One of the most useful, and most challenging, self-care strategies is to look after our thoughts.

I have too much to do than focus on each and every one of my uncomfortable thoughts.

So choose just ONE uncomfortable feeling.

Take one of those feelings you regularly grapple with and focus on it for a month. Spend intentional time each day to be mindful, to determine how you are EVEN feeling. (If you don't have familiarity with your emotions, you won't be able to do this.)

What are you feeling?

Why are you feeling what you're feeling?

(I would say lock yourself into a bathroom when you are feeling 'that feeling' again. But locking yourselves in the bathroom usually means the kids come immediately: the radar detection is on).

Schedule a mindful moment once a day: when you're having an unpleasant feeling. If you can do this three other times, all the better:

1. write your feelings in your morning journal entry
2. schedule a mindful moment at 11 (midmorning) and 3 (after much of the day is done)
3. include a mindful moment in your bedtime routine

These mindful moments will help you understand your emotional atmosphere.

But if you can only do it ONCE, do it with an uncomfortable, triggering moment....

So when you're having that uncomfortable, triggering moment...

Go the the bathroom, leave the bathroom door open, stand in front of a mirror when that uncomfortable feeling arises.

• Comfort yourself like you are your own best girlfriend: I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
• Ask yourself, what am I feeling?
• Why am I feeling what I am feeling?
• Is what I am feeling true? (Because our feelings aren't always true.)
• Ask yourself, if my feeling isn't 100% true, what are the alternative possibilities?
• What might other people understand about this scenario? (Write them down.)
• Look at the possible perspectives and other ways it could be. addressed.
• Choose to reframe your scenario in a way that would best reflect the way you'd like your story to be resolved.

For your consideration: a scenario you may relate to:

Your child is complaining that he doesn't want to come out of his bedroom after you asked him to get his math started. He is playing Legos happily. Instinctively, you feel frustration rise because you have other stuff to do.

You have more than one child. You have all sorts of things on your to do list, and you must leave home by whatever o'clock to get to gymnastics. You don't have time for this contrariness.

So, you take yourself to the bathroom, stare at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, why am I frustrated?

You feel frustrated because you really wanted to get 1001 things done today. If he doesn't do what you ask right now, you'll only get 999 things done. You know your expectations are lofty for the day, there should be a little bit of give-and-take for kid's behavior, that kids aren't always hardwired, and eager to jump into whatever your schedule is, but he's messing everything up.

What is an alternate perspective to this situation?

Why is this child not wanting to do math?

Because he wants to finish his Lego build? He doesn't care about math like you do.

Perhaps he's struggling with his math?

Perhaps he's bored with his math: it's January, everyone is bored with everything homeschool.

Perhaps he needs a day without math?

(So you ask him later...)

What's the truth about the scenario?

He's not trying to frustrate your plans.

You know you have an opportunitiy to give grace to a kid's typical behavior.

You know that kids aren't always hardwired to do math workbooks (were you?)

You know that kids aren't always eager to shift gears and jump into whatever your plans are.

You know he doesn't care about messing up your plans, because really all he wants to do is keep playing Legos.

He might just need to do his math at a different time of the day (maybe in the car on the way to gymnastics?)

So, you're going to approach that scenario in a different way.

Our thoughts influence how we respond, which influences our feelings, and our feelings influence our actions.

So, we need to bring one uncomfortable thought to the mirror every day and get familiar with them.

Question them like a well-argued, yet supportive, lawyer.

Listen to the Podcast episode: How to Deal with an Unhappy Homeschool Day

The following resources can be reminders how you can engage your uncomfortable felings: