Why this might be the most important element to the homeschool (yet few plan for this one!)
Is this you?
- You know you're reacting in ways you don't want to with our kids, but you don't know a better way.
- You can't point a finger on it, but there's too many things going on & everything feels "too much.
- You want to show up as your best self, rather than with your tried & true (but not useful) patterns.
- You've truly tried all the things, but nothing feels like it's getting to the heart of this.
- You understand that more is caught than taught in how you engage your kids, and that concerns you.
- You don't feel supported to learn a new way of engaging.
- You were practiced in the "pause" before you reacted to your child?
- You knew for certain you were honouring your child as a separate person?
- You had a plan to address your big emotions.
- You felt you were enough, and you could do this homeschool thing with confidence.
- You felt supported.
- You were super clear when to include self-compassion strategies and how they'd actually benefit you.
- You knew you were teaching your child self-compassion strategies, emotional regulation & heathy communication too.
- You knew how to respond, not react to your child(ren)?
- You knew for certain you were honouring your child as a separate person?
- You had energy for each homeschool day.
- You knew you were modeling an approach to dealing with your big emotions that you were proud your children were learning.
Straight up, if someone had talked to me about self-compassionate strategies, I would have thought, nope, too weird.
But then I spent years struggling to deal with my big emotions, I spent years not feeling good enough, and I was finally open to listening to self-compassion strategies.
I fell into one on a particular homeschool day where I was awfully frustrated.
What could have been frustrating me?
- A child was being unkind.
- Kids were fighting, again.
- Nobody wanted to do the thing I had planned so lovingly for them.
- The house was a mess.
- I was feeling unsupported and disconnected from others.
Oh, ya know, a couple things might have been going on.
And I really wanted to text my husband.
But since he wasn't responding to his texts (he happens to work in emerg, so what he was doing was likely more emergent than his wife losing her stuff at home), I had to figure out what else to do!
Call my friend, I thought. Turns out, she was too busy to respond too.
Well, what is a homeschool mama to do?
Head on over to my bathroom mirror and talk to myself.
Weird, but effective.
I just needed someone to witness my frustration and sadness.
To look into my eyes and say "hey, you're having a moment, sometimes homeschooling is hard, but you've got this."
So that is what I did.
And to my utter surprise, it was therapeutic.
“With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend," Kristin Neff says.
I often share with homeschool mamas that if they’re particularly heated with their kids, they should head to the bathroom mirror.
Stand in front of the mirror.
See that sad, exasperated, angry face?
What would you say that sad, exasperated, angry face if it were your friend?
You might say:
- I’m sorry you’re frustrated.
- I care about you.
- I’ve been there, done that. (Even maybe this morning).
- You’re a good mom; I see how you engage most of the time and you care about your kiddo.
What you wouldn’t say is this:
- You’re a horrible mother.
- You should never have had a child.
- You’re such a screw up.
- You will never learn how to parent with kindness/gentleness/self-control/you-fill-in-the-blank.
Nope, words you’d never utter to a friend.
So why are you doing that to yourself?
(FYI we all speak more harshly to ourselves than we do to others.)
How do you want to speak to your friends?
Look back to your face in the mirror: speak to that “friend” in the mirror.
And lest you think I’m sharing this clever approach, but don’t regularly try it. Turns out, I do try it.
In fact, I use it regularly.
I came by it on a day when I couldn’t access my husband by text. And not my good friend either.
So, who else was I going to talk with? Myself. In the mirror.
And I have since discovered that is a useful, though odd, approach to calming myself down.
And when I’m calm? I can decide how to intentionally respond to my anger/anxiety/sadness/other intense emotion AND head back to my homeschooled kiddos and engage intentionally.
Self-compassion begins with treating ourselves like our own best friend.
What You'll See in the Course
- A story of learning how to address my big emotions as a mom.
- A story of anger in my homeschool.
- A story of doubt in my homeschool.
- A story of feeling not good enough in my homeschool.
- How to recognize your big emotions.
- So let's assess your big emotions.
- Before we get started with addressing our big emotions...
- Every self-compassion technique you learn for you, will be modeled to your kids.
- Walk away
- Teaching your kids self-compassion exercises too
- More is caught than taught
- Grounding technique
- Understanding your triggers
- Build boundaries
- Planning for your Best Self...
- What have you learned & what will you include?
See what others are saying:
"I wanted to share a small moment with you. One thing that I have done for myself since we talked is to set two alarms on my phone-one in the morning and one in the afternoon. When they go (a soft beautiful musical sound) off I pause, put my hand in my heart, and take a few deep breaths. The kids have occasionally been doing this too when they are with me and it goes off. The other day we were all in the kitchen when the alarm went off. All three of us stopped to put our hands on her hearts in complete silence and took deep breaths together. It was a beautiful moment. Thank you!"
"Teresa is a gift with the best humour. I am so blown away by the care you take to really get to know who you are mentoring/talking with. It's so rare these days."
“Teresa is the real deal! An experienced homeschool Mom who’s been there and can help others get out of overwhelm. Her ability to hold space for silence and difficult feelings makes her “no small talk” approach so effective. I trust her. Her retreat, resources and support meetings have served me tremendously. I’m so glad she’s in my corner!
"Ugh, the anger story brought back those memories for me - I am a "recovering" angry woman. Maybe a better way to phrase that is a "healing, work-in-process, ex-angry" woman...
I love that question about when kids disobey, "what would my best self do?" Never thought about it that way...
That's a great approach to "befriend" yourself in the mirror...I'm being very intentional about positive affirmations this year, but TELLING them to myself in the mirror sounds like a great extra step to take...
You're doing great work for homeschool mamas..."
"My greatest insight is that taking care of me does not mean I’m being selfish or ignoring my kids’ needs, quite the opposite actually. The more I treat myself with kindness, listen to my needs and try to address them, the more at ease I will be and the more at ease my whole family will be. It’s all about energy. Using mine wisely to be there more energetically for everyone else."
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I get a refund if I'm unhappy with my purchase?
If you are unsatisfied with the intensive, reach out to see if your purchase is eligible for a refund.
When will I receive the Zoom link?
In your email inbox the morning of our time together. (Make sure your email provider hasn't thrown it into Junk Mail).
How do I interact with the participants?
You can join the Homeschool Mama Support Group and have monthly support chats too.
Feel free to inquire about specific options: [email protected]